Damn Near Killed Em Shirt | Funny Rectum Joke Graphic Tee Gift

The punchline everyone already knows, finally printed where it belongs. This Damn Near Killed Em tee delivers the setup and the payoff in a single glance, and the reaction is always identical: a groan, then a laugh, then someone repeating it back to you. Wear it to the family barbecue and watch your uncle light up from across the yard.

Why People Keep Buying This Shirt

This is one of the oldest gags in circulation, passed down through school hallways, work break rooms and every dad who has ever had an audience. The Damn Near Killed Em punchline works because it needs no explanation at all — anyone who reads it supplies the setup themselves and groans on cue. That instant recognition is exactly what makes it such a strong graphic tee rather than just a good line.

Who This Shirt Is For

• Dads who have been telling this joke since long before it was on a shirt.
• Anyone hunting for a gag gift that actually gets worn instead of hidden in a drawer.
• Bachelor parties, birthdays and any occasion that rewards questionable taste.
• Fans of old-school crude humour who prefer a groan to a laugh track.

Fabric and Fit

Printed on 100% ring-spun cotton at 4.5 oz/yd², with shoulder-to-shoulder taping and a quarter-turned body so no crease forms down the centre. Sport Grey is 90% ring-spun cotton and 10% polyester, and all Heather colours are 65% polyester and 35% cotton. The Damn Near Killed Em shirt runs S through 3XL in a relaxed unisex cut that suits every build. More like it lives in our funny and meme shirts collection.

Printed On Demand

Each shirt is printed only after your order comes in, so nothing sits in a warehouse hoping to be bought and far less fabric goes to waste. Take a look around and explore more new arrivals while yours is being made.

FAQ

What is the joke on this shirt?

It is the punchline to a very old setup about a car accident, and the Damn Near Killed Em line is the whole gag — the shirt trusts you to know the rest.

Is this shirt unisex?

Yes. The Damn Near Killed Em shirt uses a standard unisex cut in sizes S to 3XL, so there is no separate fit to choose between.

Size guide